this shall start anew. i cannot remember before this, so you shall not read before this. it says i started march. yesterday, so long ago.

there has been so much pain. i am numb to it now. even cuts. i can't remember them hurting. just the instinct that made me scream.

so much confusion. i cannot count the people that have entered my life, just to leave the next day. the the people who visit now and again.

i read my books. i can believe i used to feel that way, i know it for a fact. those wounds, i could feel.

i don't think i remember what has happened. things don't hit me till they're half over. or till they've reached the last stair before my door.

im proud of myself. it's been almost a year since i've talked to him. right after he left, i erased him. even the pages have been thrown away.

i think i know why he was named that way. i was thinking about another with the same name. my unconscious mind wanted to be with him. im glad he's here. at least, i think it's him. now i can see him. now he is free.

i think i understand more of what i like. i have a split self, but it all depends on the time. i do things the way i want. im so selfish. but sadly, i will never really change.

i can now think i am alone. five will never come.i am not, nor will ever be, the sixth. i may have given them thought, but i know that's all they are. a thought i wished to believe in. i cannot seem to give up her name entirely thought. it's my last memory of a lost dream.

i wish to complete my dream, so that she can find her Forever's Love. it's cruel to keep her away.

ive seen every bit of the moon, but still am not happy. i wish to go to a place entirely my own. i want to boil in my malice and greed, so i can protect others from it.

i don't know, maybe everything will work out. it all depends on my panic. and my ability to say no.