* On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
* In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
* Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
* Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
* Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
* If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
* Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
* Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
* The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
* It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
* The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
* James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
* Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
* Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
* It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage